oceansdesire

Middle of the night. Full moon. And me dancing in the dark in my tiny room above Almada’s rooftops like nobody’s watching..

Can’t control my heart anymore. It beats so loud and so intense that even hard to breathe. I never felt so vulnerable, so weak and so.. confused.

Lisbon, what have you done to me? It’s love, obsession, desire and passion at once. I didn’t plan this, didn’t expect. Feeling like a kid who doesn’t know how to deal with all the feelings. Can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t escape..

Movement here gave me a new sheet, completely empty one. Nobody knew me, I could be whatever I wanted but the problem was that I didn’t know who I wanted to be. During past several years my self-confidence has dropped to the lowest level, I was really shy one, who had many complexes and hated herself for everything. Therefore my first meetings with new people in Lisbon reminded a free fall from somewhere extremely high. I was very afraid that they won’t like me, that I will seem to them boring, terrible or annoying. But the more people I met, the more stories I heard the more comfortable I felt with myself. Somehow people here were accepting me as I was, with all my fears, disadvantages and strangeness and of course I couldn’t believe that. Mostly because my whole life I was always trying to be perfect, I knew that I wasn’t one of those “candy face” beauties therefore always tried to compensate that everywhere I could. I was imprisoned by my own imagination how the perfect person should look like and completely forgot that real beauty is about imperfections and being different..