What happens when life breaks down? When there is systemic contradiction? When the ground beneath your feet is slipping away and you can’t recognize yourself? What does it feel like? Like always one step forward and two back again – things go wrong no matter what I do..
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Yesterday I hurt deep someone who is everything to me, who can understand me without words, who knows the real me and loves me with all my fears, weaknesses and mood swings. All that happened because of my job. I can’t control myself anymore. I’m always feeling sad, irritated, angry and disappointed. Job already took almost everything that was most important to me – smile (no one could imagine me without it), optimism, creativity, trust, self-esteem, time and love…
A few days ago, I met an old friend. I told her that I work with ruthless people. She told me that people come and go, that I have to be selfish and ruthless, because only those people can achieve something in this life. And then she told me another film The Devil Wears Prada interpretation, of which I had not thought of, that, one of the city’s biggest magazine editors, cynical, powerful and sophisticated Miranda Priestly is the best example, how I should live. Friend also told me that Andrea (simple and naive girl from the small town, who was trying to work as Miranda Priestly assistant and who, at the end of that movie, quit a job and refused to career, because it was not all what she wanted) is the worst example and such a person is worthless.
I thought for a long time about what she said. I tried to convince myself that my old friend told me the truth, that I have to close my eyes for my sincerity, goodness and behave as did Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada, that is normal to work with people like her. But you know what? I can’t do this. Maybe I’m stupid or weak, but I want to be different. I have to be different, because I hate when people lie in your eyes, when they treat you as the garbage and when they only use you. I’ve experienced it and I don’t wish anyone else to feel it, because it hurts, it really hurts and sometimes so greatly that even hard to breathe…
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